Poison

I write because that's the only way I listen to myself when no one hears me. .
Today I close a chapter of my life...don't know which chapter that is at the moment but I'm sure I'll know once I live a few more years.

My heart, my stomach, my brain, my self are not well.
I made really stupid decisions again yesterday and hurt a lot of people I care about..
I am blessed to say no  one is physically hurt, but my own pain is too heavy to handle at the moment.

So much things to say, and all I can focus on is that one person who shouldn't have seen me do whatever I was doing. A blossoming friendship and love - is poisoned. What the fuck was I thinking?

That was the last straw. That's it.

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I now know the difference between people who love me and people who just want to cop my energy. I'm done. The universe keeps protecting me from absolute horrible things happening to me for a reason and it's time for me to wake the fuck up and stop playing. I trust in my purpose to creatively restructure and bring power to those who still don't believe they got it.

I haven't lost shit...in fact i'm gaining everything. What's up world.

Mother

Been trippin on what it is to be a daughter...especially since nowadays talking with my mom feels like throwing words into a blender...This is the time when I get to know my mother as a human being, as her own person, while remembering that looking at her is looking at me also. Right now there's a smoke screen between me and my momma - gotta take it down and allow us to see each other. I think the problem lies in my hunch that my mom doesn't see the smoke screen, while I do.

At the same time, I see her in pain and I think of mother earth, who is also in pain. Human beings do disgusting things to her and to each other. We are the spoiled kids of the animal kingdom. Recognize she is in pain, and give her love. Love is all she needs. My mother, and mother earth.

Today I reorganize my living space, discard the shit I'm not using, remodeling my room. It's my own therapy. I've been needing this change for a long time, and the hardest part is letting go. But I'm doing it. An effort for peace of mind.