Re Spect

Been feeling slowly put together - new ideas and dreams roaming in my head.
Maybe they were always there.

Rebuilding what family means, what heart means, what work means.

Today my knee hurt - it's cold. My body constantly changes size, shape, look - it's no wonder my joints struggle to catch up sometimes. Started yoga last week due to my back pain, and I endured. Already my body feels differently...readjusting. Today I'm going to a beginner's class - just to go back to basics really quick and align some more.

In the past few months I've been growing a relationship - with friendship, support, respect, patience (even though I've had my moments of uncertainty and, to a certain degree, fear). The person you share your body with is of a special kind. Raw energy is transferred between bodies - aligning two universes.

My heart is challenged and happy.

On my mind is also my aunt, who is in a prison in TX waiting to be deported (I guess). She is experiencing defeat...wonder what she's prayed for in prison. Wonder if the angels I prayed for helped her meditate on her situation.

It's been a hard hit for the family to take, and also has opened up many wounds that need to be cleaned up and healed. How we communicate - how things like Facebook connect us but we're more disconnected than ever, I feel.  Throughout this whole thing though, prayer has united us. Not in religion, but in spirituality.

Sending light from my heart to wherever my aunt is...let's see things for what they really are.

Poison

I write because that's the only way I listen to myself when no one hears me. .
Today I close a chapter of my life...don't know which chapter that is at the moment but I'm sure I'll know once I live a few more years.

My heart, my stomach, my brain, my self are not well.
I made really stupid decisions again yesterday and hurt a lot of people I care about..
I am blessed to say no  one is physically hurt, but my own pain is too heavy to handle at the moment.

So much things to say, and all I can focus on is that one person who shouldn't have seen me do whatever I was doing. A blossoming friendship and love - is poisoned. What the fuck was I thinking?

That was the last straw. That's it.

----

I now know the difference between people who love me and people who just want to cop my energy. I'm done. The universe keeps protecting me from absolute horrible things happening to me for a reason and it's time for me to wake the fuck up and stop playing. I trust in my purpose to creatively restructure and bring power to those who still don't believe they got it.

I haven't lost shit...in fact i'm gaining everything. What's up world.

Mother

Been trippin on what it is to be a daughter...especially since nowadays talking with my mom feels like throwing words into a blender...This is the time when I get to know my mother as a human being, as her own person, while remembering that looking at her is looking at me also. Right now there's a smoke screen between me and my momma - gotta take it down and allow us to see each other. I think the problem lies in my hunch that my mom doesn't see the smoke screen, while I do.

At the same time, I see her in pain and I think of mother earth, who is also in pain. Human beings do disgusting things to her and to each other. We are the spoiled kids of the animal kingdom. Recognize she is in pain, and give her love. Love is all she needs. My mother, and mother earth.

Today I reorganize my living space, discard the shit I'm not using, remodeling my room. It's my own therapy. I've been needing this change for a long time, and the hardest part is letting go. But I'm doing it. An effort for peace of mind.

Love + Music

The sun is shining, the weather is sweet....make you wanna move your dancing feet.
Also wants to make your heart and another join together to find a new beat..just takes a little bit of heat...
To be in love...looking both ways before crossing the street.

Envisioning love, physicality, besitos, abrazos, chitos, tongue, manos, dedos, the erasure of skin as a barrier. :)

Altar of Peace

This past Sunday, Homies hosted a Vigil for the Commemoration of 100 Days of Peace since the Gang Truce in El Salvador....We created an Altar to give our intentions of peace. It was a beautiful ceremony for the people who were present and shared the same feeling of wanting to contribute to this truce.

Sadly, this truce has been widely received with doubt, skepticism and insecurity. It is understandable that the citizens of El Salvador, who have been paying the price of this violence for years, are doubtful and even afraid of what this truce means. I acknowledge that I am in a position of privilege in this matter, and I cannot tell anyone what to feel about their own experience with gangs.

However, it still makes me very uncomfortable (to say the least) that people who say they are allied with God and Jesus Christ are still speaking with hatred toward the gang members who are making this truce in the name of community.

Why is it ok for them to hate gang members, yet they seem to forget all the other murderers in the current equation? Why is it ok to hate gang members and not the politicians who continue to steal resources from the community? Why don't they call out the government, who in alliance with the United States, is responsible for the murder of thousands of people during the war?

Why don't they call out big businesses who continue to exploit Salvadoran labor, and send broken and tired fathers and mothers home to raise their children with crumbs? All these big businesses are allowed to brainwash our minds with advertisements that say we need all these products to survive - that's what "civilization" is. The same products and foods that are giving us physical illnesses like cancer, which puts us at the mercy of doctors who continue to cut and paste our bodies into bank accounts...without educating us on how to take care of ourselves. Why isn't anyone saying anything about that?

Gang members are a part of that fucked up society too, and the difference between them and you and me is that they decided to manifest that pain in a violent form...but it is still just a reflection of the society that is already there. Some people choose to follow what is acceptable in this unjust society, and it is much easier to make gang members evil and different from us, but the truth is they are our brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, cousins, uncles, aunts, mothers and fathers. They also have people who are dying in hospitals. They also have mothers and fathers who died in the war. They also lived in broken homes. They are also casualties of war, victims of an unjust society. So why is it so hard to believe that after all that violence, they can also make peace?

If you are a person who is allied with God, you understand love. If you understand love, you understand that it takes work - it takes mad work to make peace. It starts with you. It starts with me.

With that said, here are some words from brother Luis Rodriguez:

100 Days of Gang Peace In El Salvador by Luis J. Rodriguez

The Methodology of Changing Shape/Transforming

When I was little, I was very cautious when playing because I didn't want to get hurt.  I also had hope in the system: I believed that there were good cops and bad cops, good politicians and bad politicians, that pop music had some sort of a social message, that marriage was sacred, that the bible was THE connection to God. I grew up having a phobia of snakes because of Adam and Eve (i.e. I thought that snakes were an incarnation of Satan). I thought that if you talked hood you couldn't be smart...In my mind, I wanted to make my mom proud: I had to be the perfect immigrant child that behaved, spoke perfect English and Spanish, got good grades, had career and educational goals..I was a star student. I was the epitome of what a "good" kid is. In other words, I had a really tight asshole.

I'm 26 years old now, and I'm proud to say that, somehow, I let life show me that NONE of the above is true. I stopped trying to address and fix individual problems in the system, in society, in my mind, because I finally saw that the whole fucking thing is rotting from the root. The way you reach this point of understanding is just by asking questions. Sometimes we don't even receive answers, but the fact that our brains conjure these questions up is significant in itself...like your primal force is calling you back from the bullshit and convinced your brain to think about it a little more.

This is a list of questions that I've asked in my life:

Who am I? What am I? How did I get here? Why are kids in other countries starving? Why is this country wealthier than that one? How did this country become a country? Why do people work to pay for cable television? Why isn't everyone aware of how their body functions? Why do people trust doctors to make decisions over their bodies? Why do microwaves exist? Why are there so many fucking commercials? Why don't we eat more fruits and veggies? Why do people have to pay for food that is grown on their land? Who decides who is a "criminal" and who isn't? Why do we need police? Why do police shoot so much? Why aren't police trained in nonviolent communication? Who does the police work for? Who does the city work for? Who does the goverment work for? Who benefits from this system? Who creates the criminals? Where do criminals come from? Why did they become criminals? Who created those conditions? Why is it illegal for people to be human on this side of that fucking border?

Nope

Finally decided I'm over my job. It's not helping me anymore. Gotta find a way out now. :D Yes!!! 

Tripping out on health...hence the previous rant. Staying positive, sending love, beaming light to the heart of those who have become physically ill due to the injustices created by people in power. 

It just gives me more fuel to keep going. Gotta do more research. Keep reading, keep critically analyzing the place we occupy, we live in, we die in. 

Radiation

My heart is heavy. Trying to radiate light and love,

but getting stuck in darkness.

Friend, how did this happen? 

Your body became your enemy,

now they're jamming needles in your skin

like 500 years ago when they jammed flags into our soil

spilling more blood for their gold and oil.

They're cutting down our trees, sucking on the land, poisoning our food, 

poisoning our water, polluting our air, worse than leeches (cause at least they know when to stop). 

All so we could sleep on duvet blankets, drive our cars to work, so we can pay for our cellphone, our living space, watch television, go to school to learn some bullshit, so that you can grow up and go to college, get a job in their corporate world, sell you monogamy so you can get married and create more consumers so they can continue their fucking disease of survival strategy. Ownership never meant love...just material security.

I'm sick of people protecting this bullshit way of life we call being "American."

Giving the pueblo the fucking crumbs, raising funds for charities, Make Your Wish come true only when you're about to die type of shit. I'm sick of the hypocrisy. 

It's making us all (literally) sick!

All I want to say is:

Civilization can kiss my Salvadoran-rebel, won't-bow-down-to-no-one, fuck-your-bullshit-food, fuck-your-bullshit-medicine, fuck-your-unsustainable-productivity, fuck-your-exploiting-of-brown-skin, crossed-the-border-3-times ass. 

What the fuck does civilization mean now? The people that Europeans referred to as "savages" knew how to work the land, live off it, create art, study the stars, understand the universal connection, knew how to heal and pray, and they respected the earth. "Civilized" europeans raped our womyn, are still exploiting our land, created these fucked up structures that were only meant to benefit them, and here we are years later still fighting for the same fucking thing: our earth, our food, our water. 

But my heart doesn't feel hate, it still blooms with love for my blood, my body, my earth, my dreams. 

I embody my family's dreams. We must go forward to justice with love, because that's what Europeans couldn't understand.  We need to unwind, refresh our minds, wake the fuck up and see who's really running shit. It's only through the reclamation of our souls, our love, and the liberation of our minds, that we can go forward in creating a great world for EVERYONE. It starts with us, it starts with taking care of your own body to the fullest. Food, Water, Exercise, Love. If your government does not make it possible for you to do that, it is failing and needs to change. 

Circles

Took a trip up to Berkeley this weekend with my bad ass female crew (officially baptized "Las Moonaguas").

The trip, the weekend, the conference, the get-togethers, reconnecting, connecting, dancing, laughing, making music...all of it was nothing that I expected, and so amazing!

I got to meet some of the people who are doing bad ass work for social change using art and theater...that's my element. Then I realized I am part of that change, that shift in thought and action...and recognizing that I can take the lessons and pass them on to my peoples. Slowly finding more direction.

I loved finally talking with Roberto Lovato, who I consider to be a mix between Kurt Vonnegut, Noam Chomsky and my tio Jandy. He's on some Jedi warrior of light trip. I'm looking forward to doing some work with him in the future. Yee! Moving the Salvis...

My voice is slowly becoming louder.

Climbing to the Top!!!

My body feels great today, sore in a really good way. Got to see an amazing view yesterday with a good friend. Gotta keep moving to the top and recognizing where doors are opening for us, right J?

I submitted my proposal for SOMArts, which I really hope to get into. It would be DOPE to create a new work for that space. Like a tortuguita, but moving! :) haha

----
Some interesting things I read today:

1) Mantram of Unification:


Let the Soul control the outer form
And life and all events,
And bring to light the love
Which underlies the happenings of the times.


2) “Let instability do its work.”

This phrase articulates & explains all the difficulties, confusions, vicissitudes, unpredictable changes, instability & lack of cohesion in our daily lives and for much of humanity. This instability has purpose – to bring about with us the need for, and seeking of, harmony, order and beauty. These are Soul qualities, that the personality, adrift within the difficulties of life, finally (in desperation) “calls forth.”
----

....and I just purchased my ticket to Brasil.

What's up, summer? You lookin pretty fly. :D

MN to the Bay - Day 3 and beyond

Saturday morning we got on the road and stopped at the Great Salt Lake. It is indeed salty. Utah was beautiful! The salt flats were a trip.

We cleared through Nevada, stopped in Reno to get an oil change and photos, and continued on our way. Cali welcomed us with a lot of mountains and rain. But it was all worth it...there was even a rainbow at the end of the road! :)

Got to spend some very much needed time with my sister, and took her to see the Marley doc. Good to see she's in a good place, and making shit happen!

Overall, this trip made me super grateful of my home, my life, my body, and my soul. Positive energies bring us home.

On this road we let go,
my home becomes my bones
my eyes rooted in my soul.

Remain present in this moment,
no regrets, the land becomes young again,
moving foward to forget
the buildings,
the profit, the tenants (are sleeping)
protected,
under red white blue
Manifest-Burglary.

But I stay
sending waves from my heart
from me
to you, crossing the world, touching the universe
in one beat,
this is the rhythm we need.

These hair threads continue to grow, one day they'll touch stars,
past present and future, no longer know
cause time from a clock is so long ago
focus inside you and the art you flow

keep to the beat of your heart
that's all you need to listen
a jump start

we've been sleeping too long
been fiending for love
they took it from us, but again it's in our hands,
we'll never let go, cause we won't forget...

keep to the beat of your own heart
give everyone a jump start
we've been sleeping for too long
been fiending for love
but now we got it back.

Every heartbeat is a prayer for another awakening,
all we need to do is listen.

MN to the Bay - Day 2

Made it to Salt Lake City, UT!!! My body is loving this bed.

Got up at 5:30 today to see the sun rise on Rapid City, South Dakota. We grabbed breakfast and headed out on our adventure - we saw the faces of 4 dead presidents on a rock, the U.S.'s first tattoo or what? Whatever in the name of history....

We stopped by a Flintstones Theme Park/Campground! Random as hell, even took pictures in front of a huge statue of Dino. :) It was like a whole little Bedrock right there in the middle of nowhere.

Sarah drove the first 5 or 6 hours, and it was crazy! We got rain AGAIN, and this time it was scary cause driving through Wyoming was mostly two-way highways, so we were getting splashed by all the oncoming 18-wheelers. Right after we passed Casper, WY, Sarah said she got a little paranoid so I told her I'd taker over....and as soon as I started driving...maybe one mile down the road, all of a sudden the sun came out!! The skies literally parted, and we found ourselves driving in the clear, deserted highway of Wyoming. :)

Wyoming was very naked - very little construction except for the huge coal mine. Seeing all the land and the rock formations made me think of what this place must have looked like underwater thousands of years ago....So it trips me out to think of underwater deep-sea diving now and looking at all these coral reef formations, and to imagine that one day there may be a McDonald's posted somewhere in between all of it, once all that dries up. (I really hope this doesn't come true).

Utah so far was welcoming, let's see what the morning says. I want to see this big salt lake...

Tomorrow we have a 12-13 hour drive and if all goes well, we'll be kissing the Cali sky tomorrow night.

Love!!

Clau

MN to the Bay - Day 1

Just landed in Rapid City, South Dakota. I drove about 13 hours today, mostly in the rain. Been tripping out looking at this nature, wondering what the colonizers thought when they saw it for the first time.

Minneapolis was a trip!!! I got to see a dope art venue called Intermedia Arts - met my homie Sarah's friend, this dude who is touring a live cooking show. Such a dope concept! It's a one-man live cooking show, that combines politics, history, comedy and food - Diabetes of Democracy - focused on the epidemic of Type 2 Diabetes in communities of color. This foo has been working on this idea for like 20 years and he's barely touring it. That's dedication.

Overall it felt good to know that I can find a home in art spaces all over :)

The night took a bad turn when I basically got too faded and both me and S were tripping out on this massive road trip that we were about to start. We got toooo paranoid.

Plus, it started POURING, flash flood status, with lightning and thunder. My stomach got weak and I was just feeling awful! I kept asking myself what the hell I was doing in Minnesota. 

***

I woke up at 7 am and it was still raining, so naturally I went back to sleep. An hour later I woke up and the rain (along with my stomach) had cleared up. We had a good time on the road today, had good food, stopped to take all kinds of pictures, and I am not tired.

Ready for Day 2.:)

Much love!!!

Clau

MN

Gearing up for my trip to Minneapolis, MN. !!!! Haven't taken a road trip like this ever, it will be my longest one so far. I'm especially stoked bc my homie is down to stop in Kansas on Thursday night...so I'll be able to see my family :D. I miss them!!

Apparently we will stop in Albuquerque, which I'm super stoked about cause I love NM. Can't wait to be looking at that awesome desert sunset. :)

The plan is to make it to Oakland by Saturday night, I'll chill for a day and then bounce to LA on Monday. I'm going to take so many pictures! I found my old Cannon Kiss (cheesy ass name!) and I'm just gonna buy some film and batteries and I'm good to go! Haven't used my baby in forever!

So grateful. I am so blessed and READY.

New Moon Solar Eclipse

Definitely feeling post partum after completing a series of images in the way of salvadoran history. It was a project that challenged me and opened my heart so much! Feeling much gratitude for the universe, which has put so many wonderful people in my path that open these doors for me to express myself. (Thanks J!)

Yesterday I completed a crazy week, and it was sealed with rest, a new moon solar eclipse (it looked as if the sun had a gray gel over it) and watching Marley. Bob was on some Jesus Christ tip. He lived his life with unconditional love, and invited everyone along. Fuck all this separation bullshit, it's ONE love. Handle it.

My love won't settle for less than humanity. This is the stepping stone! My heart is open.

Laughter from Far

It's been a crazy few days...

As always happens when I'm about to finish a project, I get this feeling that everything is garbage. Haha. It's true. Every time I'm working on anything I'm passionate about, I reach a point where my eyes don't see what my heart is trying to put out there. It's a tough point to be at, but it's also really beautiful. It's an opportunity to bring freshness to it, to re-define and really challenge myself and the message I'm trying to send, with color. That's when time becomes circular. The trick is to remain connected to the Source..

I'm also bogged down by work responsibilities at the moment, and I realize I'm not passionate about what I'm doing here. 

Yesterday when I got out of work, I drove to the beach  to get some perspective. By some awesome coincidence, I had my bathing suit AND a towel in the car. So I changed, said "fuck it!" and jumped in the cold ass water. Felt like my own baptism, thank you Badu. 

My spirits still needed some help today during the almost 1.5 hour drive to work...I thought about calling my super-homie Pedro, to have a laugh, but didn't for some reason. As soon as I got into my office, I get a phone call from P!! Man, it's so awesome to know that even though we live like 4 or 5 hours away, me and P are still tight. And officially telepathic. 

I have arrived.

:)

Next

Changes coming my way, can't escape the year without shedding my skin, learning my lessons and my blessings.

Forgot what it felt like to listen to heavy distorted guitar holding hands with drums. Fell in love once again with the RATM flow.

Conversations: Sometimes we forget what stimulates our heart, and instead listen to what stimulates our minds - all the illusions and expectations that we create in our heads block the truth. We forget what's real. We start thinking of the end product like it's a prize, forgetting about the present moment and letting each other be free.

But when all of a sudden your heart gets a hit, and everything happens with ease and without ego, you know some shit's real. It's what happens when you let your spirit lead you.

Massive blindness confines us to 2-D interactions with folks...Let's look for the real shit. 4-D connection with ourselves our ancestors, our partners and our earth.

Fluid Dynamics

Night swim! Sometimes I forget how crazy it is to move through water. Makes me think of how thick outer space must be. Water feels like the thickest and lightest fabric to be surrounded by.

Ancestral peoples thought of the universal community as a fabric to be knitted. Einstein described the relative motion of objects to be as if they were on a stretchy fabric. This allows us to see the interconnectedness of our movements with relation to others (humans, animals, plants, single-cell organisms). We're constantly sending waves.

I wonder what our skin looks like under a microscope when it's submerged in water - the water all rushing in between the space between your cells, breaking them apart slowly. Maybe?


Reminds me that it's a miracle how our cells stick together. How the f!!!

Conference - CHECK

My first big project of 2012 has been completed - USEU Statewide Conference is complete and it was a success!!! Over 300 students and community showed up to our first day of workshops and speakers. That's what's up!!

Also, it was my first time facilitating a workshop on women's health - Shodhini style. It was a group of about 19 women and 1 man. We discussed several things that we feel affect the way our body functions: food/diet, exercise, doctors, hormonal birth control, knowledge of our own bodies, etc. It was amazing to see so many women genuinely engaged into this dialogue, and even more amazing to see how many "light bulbs" turned on in their minds. Many fires were ignited, and it reinforced my belief that a true connection to our body makes us fearless.

It was crazy to see a man in this circle, but it actually ended up being pretty cool. He had some really good input, and overall it strengthened the ideas that were brought up in the discussion.

Health - who knew this would be one of my biggest journeys in life....Just getting to a point where I know my body + por ende my environment. Finding the way to the top of my game. Never knew itd be this close to me. Super bliss!!

Hay mucho trabajo por delante. Salu!

13

Friday 13 - In many indigenous cultures, the number 13 is sacred, being the number of accomplishment, mystery, magic, and ancestral wisdom. There are: 13 levels of heaven in Mesoamerican philosophy, 13 lunar cycles, and 13 joints in the human body. If one looks closely at the shell of Turtle, one can see that it is divided into thirteen large sections which represent the thirteen moons of the lunar year (if you count the smaller segments around the lower edge of the shell, you will find there are 28, which represents the 28 days between new moons). And, of course, the 13 Indigenous Grandmother's Council! A good book is, "Thirteen Moons on a Turtle's Back" by Joseph Bruchac and Jonathan London.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Curanderismo-the-Healing-Art-of-Mexico/280837062184

Northern Moon

My brain has been chewing on some thoughts regarding wisdom, service, and ego. More so, I've been observing the organizing and activist "conscious" spaces that continue to cycle egotistical problem-solving (more like problem-creating).

When crunch time comes around, the nastiness comes out. Fingers start pointing almost immediately, trying to find a scapegoat for the mess. I gotta ask myself, What does "consciousness" mean in this context? What does leadership mean?

I feel like consciousness is the acceptance and awareness of the dualities before you: what's directly in front of you + the universal picture. It means that you know that this project, event, piece, moment, etc. has the capacity to impact and touch many people's lives (in order to help the awakening of our sleepwalking brethren) while also keeping in mind the capacity you have to impact people they have right in front you: your team.

Pointing fingers is the easy way out - it doesn't require much intelligence to realize someone fucked up. It takes a leader to human-up and read the flow of exchange between collaborators - to find the root of the issue and find the solution. A leader uses mistakes to teach, not to blame.

To be contd..

Re-engaging

Last night my mother expressed to me that she would like to paint. She would like to paint the faces of her mother and her daughters.

In a split second, the sky opened up, and the hand of the moon came down and squeezed my heart. 

My ancestors have my back. 

Ajna Visions

Mayan word: Menyah - to see, to believe, to do/work with love and pain(t).

Ancestors with me - they have my back, will defend my type of crazy. It feels like the first time you swim by yourself - no need for anyone to hold your hand.

Looking forward.

Baby Elephant

Animals are less full of shit than humans.

RIP - Panthro Sneaker Kirigato Palacios, the SICKEST cat ever.

Reconnecting

So easy to blow off all these self-proclaimed hustlers
trying to make it in the game
putting shame on my culture on account of development,
taking ideas from the poor and giving it to the rich
allowing the continuation of the power and the filth.


Tired of all these self-proclaimed hustlers
boastin' about their accomplishments;
they never knew humility or real innovation -
they stay talking and consuming - trying to impress me.


How are you gonna impress me?
I have my mother,
who birthed me under gunfire.
Took the reigns of her fam and helped them survive,
escaped death at Romero's funeral
and crossed three countries with a child?

She inhales problems
that make her asthmatic,
but exhales solutions for the betterment
of the masses.
She's magic.

Self-proclaimed Hustlers - that's funny,
Hustler
my mother's never pronounced that word
but she defines it.

Breakthrough

1 Baatz - A good day to begin anything new in your life.

Entire series of images on cardboard, focused on using colors that complement the brown of the cardboard. Just like Quiere Ovarios, it would be a continuation of that style broken down into 13 segments.

More later.


...YES!!!!

People We Meet

Every day we walk past different faces,

but some stick and others don't.

Even tho we are all one skin and life force, 

we can't meet every body.

And then there are people who do,

manage to shoot through your cortex,

stay in your brain, and you stay wondering 

thinking why didn't this person look the same

as everybody else?

Sitting on cancer while I made small talk about his

profession, his-body actively chilled,

grubbed on pupusas, and then proceeded to 

word death into existence...
Never losing hope that a young life, his own
creation, would remember

his-love forever, way past infinity. 

Every-body comes into your life as a message,

and his-body came to mine as a window

into a world where every body knows their fate;

Pushing 35 years of age on a wheelchair,

spinning experience into sharp edge commentary 

of everyone's bullshit. 

Every-body comes into your life as a mirror,

and my reflection also showed an aging body,

knowing its withdrawal from this dimension is coming soon. 

Time is a relative term though...

In seeing 3 hours of his existence, 

I saw more life than what we expect of children...

The truth is every-body is dying...but who the fuck is living?

Life is fire; TRUE magic that 

transforms

cleans

warms

heals and sometimes destroys
when time is relative.

We are fire
that brings life to darkness,

that cures the physical body from death.

Let's be that fire, every day 

Let's be that fire, be one. 

We are that fire, even after our flesh is gone.

Rest in Power - A.S.
11/11/76 - 2/20/12

Done?

Breakfast: a bowl of fresh grapes, strawberries, melon, honeydew, and pineapple. It was like signing the peace accords in my mouth and stomach.

Eating fresh fruits and veggies for now. Will definitely incorporate the carbs tomorrow - veggie sandwich!

-Clau's stomach.

Master Cleanse - Day 8

Today I start the ease-out process. After 7 days of the lemonade, my insides have nothing left to give, and my pH is dropping. So, I have started to drink other types of juice. Last night I made an orange avocado juice. Bomb.

It has been quite the physical, emotional, and mental journey. Tomorrow I will begin Jiu Jitsu again. My body feels stagnated, needs flow.

I wonder if Demian Bichir will get the Oscar.

-----

Shodhini

The importance of knowing your cycle, so you can work with yourself to obtain certain goals (pregnancy, non-pregnancy).

Master Cleanse - Day 6

I know I live in LA, but I still gotta ask myself every day....Traffic: WTF!!!!! I left my house at 7:07 and got into work at 8:25. Puro desvergue en mi cabeza. Wiped out.

170.8 - My dreams have been escaping me. All crazy. 

Valentine's Day: At least the sun is out today. I send my love out to all the elephant seals mating in Natividad, CA right now! Get those babies out there!

Since I'm pretty hungry right now, and I can't eat, the only thing that will help is making a list of all the food I wish I could eat right now (in no particular order):

1) **A Sandwich**
2) Pho (This one was surprising)
3) Chocolate
4) Chicken

5) **My grammy's red frijoles**
6) Tortillas
7) Rice
8) Bananas, Papaya, Oranges, Mango
9) Avocado
10) Broccoli

The other day (I think on Day 4) I dreamt that I had a fat Snickers bar in my hand and I took a bite out of it. I wanted all of it but I had to share with like 5 people. Vale verg*, I couldn't eat all of it - even in my dream!

Master Cleanse - Day 5

Today is difficult. Gotta bring the energy/swag back and focus on Day 10, coming up in 5 days. This has been the longest I've ever gone without consuming anything solid. Tripping out that my stomach isn't growling like crazy.

A piece of San Juan came to visit yesterday, reaffirming the success of my decision to leave. Much love to that place that taught me so much, made me suffer but made me stronger at the same time.

ZoZo made her grand entrance to Los Angeles this weekend, which proved both fun and draining.

ZzzzzzZzzzzzZzzzzz

-Clau's stomach.

Master Cleanse - Day 4

Really conscious of my body's energy...Can't stay out til 3 am no mores. :(

Every day I grow stronger in my mind - even though my kitchen is full of food from Salvi homeland, I'm pushing temptation and going forward.

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Heart Pleasuring

Master Cleanse - Day 2

Successfully ended Day 1.  So far, this experience has helped me to say "no" to various things.

More and more I'm seeing that it's not just letting go of food - it's letting go of external influences in your body. My focus is incredible right now. Going to get down and paint this weekend. 

Master Cleanse - Day 1

Acordei as 6:30 da manha.
177.8

Putting out my intentions for this cleanse:
-To improve my health and food intake going forward
-To cleanse from substances (THC and Alcohol), to let my mind flow freely
-To focus my creative energy and strategic approach to all my projects (Conference, Teatro, Artwork for Doc)
-Connect with my body and fine-tune my communication with her
-Prepare for marathon - by resetting my internal organs, I can begin a new method of nutrition and physical training
-Serve as a leeway into lent - Lent is observed by Christian tradition. I do not believe in this religion.  However, Lent is a deeper tradition than repenting, guilt, and making yourself suffer.  The root is in esoteric spiritual practices - as a way to meditate and connect with yourself. Lent is the abstinence of the material, so that we may become grounded in ourselves - where the soul and universal power reside.

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Shodhini Workshop - Day 2

Finally saw myself clearly - following my own cycle and observing other womyn's patterns as well.

Historically, we've been deprived of our connection with our genitals. When you don't have a connection (or "own") your sexuality, your genitals, then you are giving the power over to someone else. It is how ruling powers "took our souls."  This is why Christianity was so perfectly combined with Colonialism.

By making autonomy a sin, they paved the way for marketing and expansion.

What happens when we reclaim that autonomy? We become grounded and know how to follow our true selves, and most importantly, know how to stay away from bullshit that isn't good for us.

By reclaiming our pleasure, we disallow our personal colonialism from living inside us. We become fearless and unapologetic. In other words, we become revolutionaries.

February 5th

First of all, Wow.

And wow to Baby Superbowl Showers. Yesterday, Sunday, a day so dope I had to wake up at 3:30 am to think about it some more.

Saturday saw Sofia again finally, precious child.

Friday - crashed out at the studio after imbibing some very delicious beer and wine. Finally started working on the snake I hadn't touched since Fall 2010.

Sunday - met up with homeboy from the bay about his film and the artwork I'm creating for it. Saw the doc and, for being the first rough cut, it tells the story really well. A lot of different perspectives that I haven't seen documented, some really powerful words.

Glad I'm meeting people who are on the same path and with the same purpose, who are nurturing my art and being touched by it as well.

Birthday Reflections and Shodhini

The eve of my birth anniversary was spent in the company of 6 other womyn, in an outdoors, semi-urbanized ceremony. Released our intentions and ingested mushrooms for spiritual guidance.

The reflection of my inner state showed stability, center, peace and love.

The day of my birth was spent eating fruit with Bri, smoking sesh with Walter (+the beautiful body of a ciwacuyut, the trickster), and watching Fela! the musical with Jacqui, cuzin Tony, homie Luis + Selena.

Shodhini Sesh 1 - wow.

Male + Female are not opposite, they're variants.